check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
