I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
