Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
