Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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