at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
