If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
