I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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