Your mouth is God's brothel.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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