She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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