I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
