So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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