I want to stick my p in your. b.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
