apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
