Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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