last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
