Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
