well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
