But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
