Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
jump out the window naked night went bad
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
