But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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