the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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