Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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