I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
