Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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