Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
