4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The adults are the big ones right?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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