I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
