What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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