just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
