Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
