K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
