My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
