she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
