tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
how drunk are you?
Several
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
