i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
