dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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