remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
