I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
