Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
