you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Be still, my beating vagina.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
