Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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