i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
