I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
