I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
