My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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