Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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