That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
