I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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