I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
