Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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