Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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