True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You are the jesus of drinking
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
